Updated 12/17/2024
The winter holiday season with Christmas, Hannukah, and New Year’s topping the list of most people’s social and mental focuses is a popular time to hunt for romantic companionship. All the social and family gatherings, celebrations with lights, decorations, and holiday joy add to the romantic cravings of nearly everyone, especially those who do not have a significant other to share in and bring to holiday gatherings. The onslaught of romantic holiday movies and shows that start popping up on media at this time of year certainly add to the “I can’t be alone this season” alarm sensor, quietly monitoring inside everyone’s social happiness gauge. Unless you’re a antisocial hermit, I’m sure you have some kind of social planning going on now, and may even be giving more throttle to finding a romantic partner.
You may not think your invisible social happiness gauge is important, but were you one of those people during the COVID Pandemic shutdowns just a couple years ago who found themselves unusually very cranky, even angry, during the holidays when you were isolated? A lot of people expressed isolation rage even well after shutdowns were finished.
This year, though, things are life as usual for most people, so though you may not have unusually elevated urges to seek just any kind of companionship, like during the Pandemic, most people still feel the seasonal holiday urges for social gathering. If you’re not in a romantic relationship, your social happiness gauge is likely swinging low now, and you may feel like you need to seek out more romantic encounters. All the holiday lights, decorations, and cheer certainly add to the ideal romance atmosphere, not to mention the occasional hanging mistletoe that hypnotizes people into bouts of over liberal kissing of strangers (I wonder who invented that mistletoe tradition anyways and why).
The holidays are known for their spirits of miracles, and finding true love is often a miracle on most people’s list. Betrothals and weddings are often scheduled for this time of year, and what is more fitting for the alignment of new life with someone who you, hopefully, truly love, and God’s gifts of new eternal life and renewal in this life with Christ ( Christmas) and miracles of renewal with God ( Hannukah). And if you’re simply dating someone at this time of year, the extra spirits of romance, renewal, and new life may give an extra sheen to your romantic encounters.
Romantic holiday sheen may or may not be a good thing. I’m sure everyone has heard of blind love and how the more attention-getting but superficial things can have you overlook red flags in a relationship that is better departed. And even in a good relationship, all the extra gloss infused in your romantic encounters during the holidays can have you slip in things that can really bring you and your loved ones great harm, such as letting passion proceed into the bedroom when you’re not married.
How can that hurt? The popular world will just say, if it’s “safe sex” and consensual, then there’s no harm – use birth control and you probably won’t make a baby you didn’t intend, and it’s all good if both parties know what they’re doing and agree to it. What’s wrong with that?
That viewpoint is sorrowfully lacking in spiritual insight, because the spiritual laws of the universe affect everyone even more so than any laws mankind can dream up. Why is that? It’s because God created our world on the basis of all kinds of laws that mankind has no power over – both the physical laws and the spiritual laws that govern everyone and everything. Trying to get out of accountability from any of God’s laws that govern mankind makes as much sense as trying to get out of being affected by the physical laws of the universe. It simply can’t be done.
You’ve heard of karma? It’s not just some magical universe force of balance invented by Eastern religion. Karma – basically, doing good brings you good and doing bad brings you bad – is a concept that mankind simply understood from millennia of firsthand experience. People could see, especially in the negative case, that when a person did bad things, then it was inevitable the person would get something bad come back to them and vice versa. It’s a simple and logical ageless observation. But why?
Why does this logical dynamic work in the first place? If we only randomly got good and bad things happen to us, then everyone would have random good and bad incidents all the time. That obviously doesn’t happen, but sometimes we do have truly random good and bad events. However, when it comes to “karma” related things, things that positively or negatively affect people, especially (and sometimes animals), then we very often see “karma” bring the consequences of those actions that many people can see are definitely not random chance, though many doubt this cause and effect dynamic.
As someone heavily involved in spiritual studies and the hands-on workings of spiritual things, I’ve seen “karma” play out in people’s lives a whole lot. When they do things or live lives with a lot of bad, then I see their lives, and that of their loved ones, have a lot of bad come to them. While the opposite is also true - many good things happen to people who try to do good - in our society, it is much more common that negative “karma” affects people, families, and communities more than good “karma.” It’s because, though, most people try to live good lives and do much good, they also unwittingly do many more bad things too that often overwhelm the good consequences of doing good. Have you ever wondered, Why do such bad things happen to good people? Why are such bad things happening to me when I didn’t do anything bad?
You may have noticed I began to put karma in quotes. It’s because “karma” isn’t a force of the universe that Eastern religion put a name to, but is actually the reason why people saw its effects and gave it a name. “Karma” is actually the cause and effect of God’s spiritual laws for mankind, such as spelled out in the Ten Commandments – Do not steal, Do not murder, etc. – but also many of God’s other commands or laws, such as ones I alluded to here, laws of sexual immorality. “Karma” is simply the cause and effect of walking in God’s commands or breaking them.
There’s plenty of proof in people’s lives, and it’s even been given more concrete evidence in recent studies I brought up before that show how more promiscuous people end up having very serious and debilitating illnesses later (see Practical Sex Matters for details). Scoffers will laugh at these things, saying where’s the real proof, but this is no laughing matter. For decades, I’ve personally seen the results of excessive sin in people’s lives and it is no laughing matter for those affected by it, including your children and family members.
A big reason why people so often dismiss the consequences of breaking God’s laws, like those dealing with sexual immorality, is because the bad “karma” effects often do not come right away, and so, it’s easy for people to dismiss the causal factors of their problems. God is described as “slow to anger” in the Bible (Exodus/Shemot 34:6; Numbers/Bamidbar 14:18; Nehemiah/Nechemya 9:17; Psalm/Tehillim 86:15, 103:8, 145:8; Joel/Yoel 2:13; Jonah/Yonah 4:2; Nahum/Nachum 1:3), but that does not only describe a character of temperance, which God does have.
Being slow to anger also refers to God having much patience and allowing people to sin over a long period of time before He brings judgment for those sins. God’s way in this is also about not being too heavy-handed and obvious about His laws having great effect on people, and so He does not give too much evidence He exists. If God did that, then people would obviously live in much more fear of the Lord, but they would also not be so free-willed. I’d say it is good for people to live with the fear of God and not be over liberal because when people commit much less wrongs, then the whole world would be better off. But that wasn’t in God’s divine plan for the first ages of mankind, and so He hides much that is spiritual. It is for the testing of mankind to see where their faith and morals are.
Many people will start rolling their eyes and scoffing when I reference the Bible to make points, but to be clear on it, I will say God is no liar. In the decades since I began ministering, I found everything in the Bible that describes the spiritual world to be true, and I don’t speak from the standpoint of an avid reader of scripture, but from firsthand experience with spiritual things.
There may be discrepancies or conflicts in the text of our Bibles, but they are largely because of bad interpretations by man or because God hid and confused things on purpose. I said earlier that He hides spiritual things for good reasons, and the reasons for making the Bible so confusing and conflicting have the same basis, but this writing isn’t about scripture or how God guides (see Myths about God and the Bible are easy to understand in Light Within for more about why God hides and confuses things).
Let’s continue about the reality of “karma” or what is God’s judgments for breaking His laws. God is no liar, so when the Bible states there are generational curses (bad judgments or consequences) for our children and communities because of sins the parents commit, then they surely do affect people (see Myth: Children cannot get curses or judgment for parents’ and ancestors’ sins anymore in Light Within for more about generational curses). These spiritual but real laws are why you see so many innocent children suffering from what most people think are just accidental or random bad events.
If you keep track of news, I’m sure you’ve noticed bad things are happening more and more to children, especially. A terrible statistic is that gun violence is the number one killer of children in the United States now [1.1, 1.2]. It isn’t simply a matter of gun proliferation, but also because God’s blessings on families are removed and replaced with curses when families live in sin. All the horrible things happening to our innocent children can be traced back to what their parents and families have done wrong. This dynamic gives proof that God’s laws about generational curses are real, though the skeptics will continue to demand "real proof" (see Who's fault was the massacre in Uvalde, Texas? for God's proofs of curses on our children and communities).
How can God allow this, much less, actually enforce generational curses? I’ve heard a lot of believers say, a loving God would NEVER do such a thing; bring curses or bad things to innocent people, especially children. Never ever is the most popular viewpoint of even longtime ministers, but how I’ve been saddened by the peoples’ naïve and incorrect views of God and spiritual things. Anyone who says God does not bring curses to innocent children really does not know what they’re talking about.
Why talk about romance with generational curses?
Every single serious case of bad event happening to innocent children can be traced to a reason. The Bible says, “Like a sparrow in fluttering, like a swallow in flying, so a curse without cause does not come” (Proverbs/Mishlei 26:2). So if an innocent child has something very bad in her life, people should not dismiss it as a random accident or simply bad genes, but look for the spiritual reasons in immediate family and even ancestors. Some of the most common causes for bad incidents on children have to do with their parents’ lifestyles and sexual immorality, like maintaining an unwed sexual relationship or living in adultery or promiscuity. This is why I’m talking about romance coupled with its consequences. If you look closer at the parents’ lifestyles and morals, then it is often very easy to see why the innocent child suffers; that is, if you know and accept how God and spiritual things truly work as opposed to what popular culture and believing sects teach.
But why does God do this to the innocent? It doesn’t make sense to most people, but God’s reason makes a lot of sense if you think about it. God made generational curses law, because He very much wants us to take sin very seriously and avoid it. Sin can do a lot of harm to people, not just to the person doing it, but to loved ones as well, so generational curses are meant to make us think about our loved ones too and be serious about avoiding sin in order to help protect and bless them and our whole family. It is just another component of, The fear of the Lord is beginning of wisdom (Psalm/Tehillim 111:10; Proverbs/Mishlei 1:7, 9:10, 15:33; Job/Iyov 28:28).
If everyone feared God’s judgment for doing wrong, then the world would not have so much horrible, bad things happening to people and their families. But because most spiritual things are hidden, and God does not always bring judgment for sin quickly or in obvious ways, people don’t believe they are doing wrong even when they are told, and so sin has become commonplace.
It is as King Solomon, the wisest of men in history said, (1 Kings/Melachim I 3:12, 4:31) – “Because the sentence for an evil deed is not executed quickly, therefore the hearts of mankind are fully set on doing evil” (Ecclesiastes/Kohelet 8:11). How quickly do people run to do what they want when they do not think they will be punished for it. And because people are taught wrong about what is good and bad, even in the church and every other religious community, curses (what are God’s judgments for sin) are everywhere.
Unfortunately, that trend keeps getting worse because people are so set in their ways and how they want to view the world. Real positive change for our communities is hard to come by, but to help you do your part in bringing a better and more blessed life to you and your loved ones, I will go over recommendations for good romantic pursuits, so you and your families would have much more blessed lives without the curses that always come from sin.
Romantic Life Guide for Good, Healthy, and Blessed Lives - Remember the Second Greatest Commandment – Love one another as yourself
- Respect someone else’s romantic partner – Don’t pursue or take someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend, and especially someone else’s spouse. Adultery is a serious sin that brings a lot of bad things to their participants and their families, but stealing someone else’s unwed lover is also very bad. There may be cases where romantic relationships should be broken up, such as a fiancé may not truly be the right person to marry, but breaking relationships up should be done without breaking any of God’s commands, like the Second Greatest Commandment (unjustly hurting someone, their feelings, or their reputation, for example), by lying or deceit (God hates dishonest gain; (Jeremiah/Yirmiyahu 22:13-17; Habakkuk/Chavakuk 2:6; Psalm/Tehillim 119:36; Ezekiel/Yechezkel 22:13-14)), and breaking laws of sexual morality (see Sex and Marriage the Plain Truth for more).
Because situations can vary a lot and be complex, there isn’t a hard rule to whether or not you should break up someone else’s relationship and take their lover. A general rule is to respect your friends and family, so don’t pursue or take their lovers. If you’d like consultation on a situation, please feel free to contact me.
It is also best to avoid inappropriate intimacy with someone’s spouse or fiancé because both betrothal and marriage are serious commitments and treated more seriously by God than unbetrothed or unwed circumstances. If you truly feel you are meant to be with someone’s else’s fiancé, then you need to consult God on it and wait for the engagement to be broken off before you start a romantic relationship with them. That goes doubly so if someone is married, because marriage is not so easily broken like betrothals are (see Valid Divorce for more). Please consult me if you think you should be seeking a relationship with someone else’s spouse.
- Respect your romantic partner – Again, if you are married then please treat your marriage covenant with honor and sanctity. It is a very serious spiritual covenant that is not easily broken. Respect your spouse, fiancé, or significant other by not spending too much or any inappropriate time with people who can be romantic threats, like old boyfriends or girlfriends, coworkers, colleagues, and long-time friends.
If you’re married, then just the mental intent of romantic or sexual satisfaction from someone other than your spouse is adultery (spiritual adultery; Matthew 5:27-28). People in intimate contact professions, like massage and physical training, should be especially aware of this when they are married. You may need to limit clientele or change your career, because intimate contact with others leaves huge open doors to temptation and sin that I’ve seen people fall into often.
Don’t let yourself fall in adultery, not even spiritual, nonphysical adultery, even if your spouse cheated on you. Some people try to justify cheating when their spouse, fiancé, or romantic partner cheated, but it isn’t good justification when you multiply the sin on your house. You will only bring worse on you and your family if you cheat as well.
If you’re not married and you want to be with someone else, then clearly break off your current relationship first. Tell them personally, and preferably in person, or by live voice or video connection if you cannot physically meet. Breaking an important relationship by text, writing, leaving a message, or through a third party is immature and hurtful. Remember the Second Greatest Commandment – It may hurt someone to break a relationship, but if it is appropriate to do so, then it is ok. Just do it in a respectful way that does not belittle or excessively hurt them or you will break the Second Greatest Commandment. Do everything possible to keep things peaceable with others (Romans 12:18; 1 Corinthians 10:32-33; Hebrews 12:14-17; Galatians 6:10; 1 Peter 2:13-20, 3:8-12; 2 Timothy 2:24-26; Mark 9:50).
Respectfully breaking off a relationship before you begin a new one will keep you out of the sin of unfaithfulness and breaking the Second Greatest Commandment. But if you are married, then it may not even be possible to break off the marriage. Yes, you can go through the state to get a paper divorce, but those divorces are not valid in God’s eyes if you do not have valid grounds for a divorce. You will still be married even with a documented divorce from the state (see Valid Divorce for more), so if your not truly divorced by God, then having intimate relationships with anyone else will make both spouses live in adultery.
God is that serious about the marriage covenant. It is one of the oldest spirituals laws for mankind He made. I’ve seen very serious consequences to people remarrying after a divorce that was not valid in God’s eyes or remarrying after their spouse was lost for years, like during war. If the spouse did not die, but simply went missing or even ran away, then the marriage is still intact, so when either spouse remarries then they live as adulterers and will have those bad consequences come on them and their families.
The reality of man not being able to break God’s marriage covenant (Matthew 5:32, 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:1-3) is seen by people seemingly plagued by bad marriages with divorce after divorce. This is common with famous people who marry but then divorce for frivolous reasons. Their subsequent marriages then become cursed to fail because they are actually living in adultery because they’re still married to the first spouse that was not validly divorce under God’s laws.
For more about respecting your spouse and family order, see Family Order in Sex and Marriage the Plain Truth.
If you’re with someone, whether married or not, don’t ask for someone else’s contact information because you might want to contact them for romance in the future in case your current relationship doesn’t work out. This is the same as being unfaithful and also breaking the Second Greatest Commandment, and if you’re married then it is adultery as well, so if you’re having problems in your current relationship, wait until it is successfully broken off before you do anything to pursue anyone else. If you’re worried about missing out on an opportunity with someone, then go on to the next section where I talk about destiny. It is real, so don’t rely on grasping after anyone that looks attractive to secure your destiny.
- Do not date more than one or two people at a time – Ideally, you should only have a romantic relationship with one person at a time, but in reality, when you’re not in a serious relationship with anyone, people often communicate with and go on dates with more than one person when they’re looking for someone they want to spend all their time with.
Some people make it their dating strategy to connect with and go on dates with as many people as possible in order to find their best match or perfect soulmate. This can really be a temptation with social media dating apps where it’s easy to start a nonphysical relationship with anyone anywhere in the world.
What’s the harm in talking anyways? And shouldn’t we be looking around for our best match, especially if we’re always in the same places all the time, in the same neighborhood all the time? What if our soulmate is a thousand miles away in a different country, or just a couple towns away even? How can we meet if we never go anywhere or only look at local dating options in that app?
The difficulty of finding your perfect match makes the scattergun method of dating sound like a good idea, but what actually ends up happening is you create more problems for yourself. First of all, though finding your perfect soulmate can be difficult, running off to see if every possible interesting person is The One won’t make your search easier.
In actuality, you will make your search harder and your life more miserable by having a lot of bad dating experiences with the nearly 100% of people you find are definitely not who you want to spend your life with. And what’s more, all those romantic interests you’re talking to nearly every day will get you in trouble even if you only have long distance relationships.
I know someone who tried to juggle a handful of romantic interests all at once when they were trying to find someone to marry. Most of them were the long distance social media connections. This person got stressed out from trying to keep people straight and when one or two connections became more serious at the same time (they used romantic partner love language typical for an established couple), then trouble begins to brew when questions of fidelity and being exclusive or not dating anyone else comes up.
Technically, if you’re speaking to someone as a definite romantic partner, then you are with that person as a boyfriend or girlfriend, so if you have more than one of these romances at the same time, then you are being unfaithful to them, which breaks the Second Greatest Commandment to love each other. That’s when you stir up trouble for yourself, so try to only date one person at a time, or maybe two if neither are serious romances yet. That's why I said in the subtitle: Do not date more than one or two people at a time.
Once you get serious with one person, though, it is time to back off from everyone else until you figure out if that person is meant to stay. That way you can avoid slipping up in unjustly hurting others, being unfaithful, and breaking the Second Greatest Commandment.
If you give the impression you are giving all your devotion to one person, but are talking to many people in romantic ways, then you also risk losing relationships you like when you give signs you’re not truly devoted, but actually spending a lot of time talking to and dating other people. You’ll likely slip up relationship details if you’re speaking with more than one person at a time. That can get you into an argument, or at the least, make you appear suspicious and untrustworthy, not to mention give the impression you’re desperate and have loose morals. Definitely not what you want to convey to a potential life partner.
No, making mass dating connections is not the way to go, especially when I know for certain that destiny and soulmates are real. God has shown that to me more than enough times. He has the power to move the world, and even the stars, literally, to make real destiny happen (see Gems That Prove Destiny and True Love Are Real, Countdown To Valentine’s Day, and There’s True Love In 2022 for examples). We really do NOT need to desperately search for our perfect spouse. What we need is God’s help to get there.
Unfortunately, God’s help will vary significantly depending on circumstances, one being how much sin have you done and where your repentance is. Obviously, God will give a lot less help to someone who is not sorry for their wrongs or never admits any accountability. But even if you’ve been a pretty good person all your life, doesn’t mean God will give you everything you want immediately either. He often wants people to learn the virtues of patience, temperance, and longsuffering, which nearly everyone needs a better handle on even if we’ve been “pretty good” all our life.
My suggestion is to simply give all your faith to God and ask for help to find your perfect spouse. More often than not, the faithful and “pretty good” person will have God’s ear and He will move destiny in a short time, at least short for God, such as just a year or two. Just be patient. Wait for and hope in the Lord, because, don’t you know? Lift up your eyes to heaven, and behold Who created it. Who brought out the starry host by number; He calls them all by names; By the greatness of His might, and the strength of His power, not one is missing (Isaiah/Yeshayahu 40:26). And though youths grow weary and tired, and the vigorous stumble badly, still, those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weary (Isaiah/Yeshayahu 40:30-31).
Depend on God to bring you to the person you’re meant to be with and you’ll be renewed along the way, even if it seems like it is taking forever. All you need to do is pray, ask for God's help, keep from slipping up on God's laws, and live life as usual. Let God work your romantic matching in whatever way and time He pleases, so even if your soul mate is on the other side of the world, just be patient and you will see God work destiny in amazing ways for the righteous, and one day, you'll be face to face with the one whom you desire without you desperately seeking him or her out.
But notice I said be righteous and keep from slipping up on God's laws. Those things can really affect how much God helps you, so if you think you need the prayers and help of an elder, then feel free to contact me. The types and duration of sin in peoples' lives often need the experience and petition of a qualified elder to break curses and get healing (James 5:13-16).
The other option, which is what most of the world ends up doing, is to rush along and date all the wrong people, get into all kinds of romantically induced slip-ups, have one bad relationship after another, experience heartbreak after heartbreak, and possibly the worst outcome, marry the wrong person who can become your worst enemy. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
- Respect a person’s state of mind – Do not take advantage of a drunken or incapacitated person. This should obviously break the Second Greatest Commandment, and in some cases it may be dishonest gain, which God hates (Jeremiah/Yirmiyahu 22:13-17; Habakkuk/Chavakuk 2:6; Psalm/Tehillim 119:36; Ezekiel/Yechezkel 22:13-14), and other kinds of immorality.
- Respect a person’s rights of freewill and safety – Respecting your partner or even first date, no matter how long you’ve been together, should be obvious. Coercion and abuse break the Second Greatest Commandment and may break other laws of God as well.
Do not participate in catcalling or excessive swooning or oogling - The typical catcaller or group of catcallers jump at the chance to hook any attractive female they see by calling out suggestive praise and come-ons, while the ooglers constantly leer to try and evoke a positive reaction and connection. These behaviors are not just immature, but shows how uncontrolled their lusts are. Only the promiscuous, desperate, or foolish would invite such behavior because, obviously, lustful advances are made to initiate sex.
These behaviors also make women anxious and fearful, which breaks the Second Greatest Commandment. A lot of people (mostly men) dismiss these behaviors and say, "Boys will be boys," but that is a naïve and chauvinist attitude that helps spread rampant male arrogance and lust, which the sensible person should understand also spreads sexual immorality and sex crimes. None of these things are good for our families or communities.
On the other side, excessive swooning, oogling, or sexual appraisals by women are undesirable, too, as far as lusts and good focuses go. Both men and women might love to be oogled and swooned over by masses, but those desires are carnal and immature, hardly different than wanting to sleep around.
Uncontrolled lusts or what the Bible calls evil desires are other names for greed of carnal pleasures, which God classifies as idolatry - the worship of anything other than God (Colossians 3:5; also 1 Peter 4:1-2; Romans 13:13-14; 2 Timothy 2:22), which also breaks the Greatest Command to love God. The first two of the Ten Commandments, which talk about idolatry, directly have to do with the Greatest Commandment, so if you let your lusts for anything (not just sexual) go uncontrolled, you also multiply your sin by breaking the Greatest Commandment and some of the Ten Commandments too (remember Do not covet which means Do not have excessive or inappropriate desires).
Apostle Paul said, "It is because of these things [lusts and evil desires] that the wrath of God is coming upon people of disobedience" (Colossians 3:6). This was stated just after he listed lusts like sexual immorality, evil desires, inappropriate passion, and greed, which I just referred to, so remember, God is no liar, just as I'm been saying. "Karma" will surely come to those who live in lustful corruption.
Righteous ones will walk with temperance and self-control, fruits of God's Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Doing so will keep you out of the many romantic troubles that plague people who rush into relationships, marriage, and sexual pleasures.
Present yourself with moderation and humility - Those who are excessively prudish may say, No make-up, No fancy hairstyles or clothing, No jewelry, No excess baring of legs, waists, breasts, etc. is what God means for everyone, but especially for all women, to honor a godly way of life (1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:4). The New Testament does tell women explicitly to dress moderately without adornments, like braided hair and jewelry, but instead rely on gentle, meek presentation and behavior to be godly.
There's definitely great value in that, and everyone, not just women should adhere to that advice, but the church has misconstrued many things and over emphasizes what they think is holy. Some of the scripture I just referred to is also outdated or misconstrued, like women must always be quiet, submit to men, especially husbands, and never teach men (1 Timothy 2:9-12; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5). Some of it was written for the times two thousand years ago in an excessively patriarchal society, and for the explicit problem of unruly, over talkative women in congregations.
Women most certainly can teach men, and furthermore, husbands do NOT have absolute authority over their house. Those who teach such things are given to over-religious and dark teachings that are not of God, while they use so-called God's laws to abuse women and children (see Family and Societal Order for more about what is right order in a house and society). It has been to the shame of God and all who believe.
The proper way to present and act in public is, yes, with moderation and humility, to not be overtly sexual and revealing or showy, that is, most of the time. When you have a special occasion or go on a date, it is fine to dress nicer and more attractively, but not overly sexual or revealing. So using make-up, styling hair, and jewelry is fine, but are also unnecessary. If you want to use them then do so in moderation and humility.
The rest of the time we should simply dress and style ourselves in respectable and plain ways. This is especially a concern for women, and wives, most certainly, because men have big problems with lust and self-control, so if you often dress too attractively then you will definitely attract the wrong kinds of attention to yourself.
For a wife, that is definitely a concern and can lead to unfaithfulness and spiritual adultery, as I talked about. This is why Apostle Peter directly told wives to not dress attractively or adorn themselves (1 Peter 3:3-4). You can really hurt your marriage, family, and spiritual well-being by dressing too attractively. Reserve it for your husband. The same goes for husbands, so remember what I said about honoring your marriage and romantic partners.
Women should not be too naïve or dismissive about overly sexual or attractive dressing. Your lovers may be able to trust you and your intentions, but constantly attracting lustful people whose intent is to take you or simply use you for pleasure should be a concern, because you can make your lover excessively fearful of losing you (breaking the Second Greatest Commandment), you cannot trust in the lustful to have self-control and honor your relationship status or state of mind (taking advantage of drunkenness or dissatisfaction of your lover, for example).
And perhaps most important, you cannot underestimate temptations. Many boastful people have quickly fallen when tested, so keep that in mind in the next section as I bring up Christ being worried about His own disciples falling to temptation.
- Reserve sexual intimacy for after the wedding – This advice may not need to be spoken again after what I said about seriously bad consequences for those who are more promiscuous, but sometimes people wonder where that intimate line is drawn. What about kissing, holding hands even? And sleeping together? Not sex, but just sleeping in the same bed.
None of those things are sex if the genitals and private parts are not involved, so they are not sins. However, they can easily lead to sex before marriage which is the sin we need to be concerned about (fornication), so if you haven’t the self-control to stop intimate touching before it turns into sex, then it is better to avoid the temptations and not put yourself and your loved ones at risk if you do slip up.
Yes, I said your loved ones too, because remember generational curses can affect your children and sin can also affect your other family members and loved ones too, because judgment for sin can affect the wellbeing of others and all you possess, like your pets and property. Don’t think getting robbed or losing all your possessions in a fire are simply accidents when I’ve talked about the reality of “karma” or breaking God’s laws.
Christ was even worried about His disciples falling to temptations on the night He was captured in the Garden of Gethsemane. When He was distressed about His time of suffering and death, He told them to stay up and keep watch, but after He went a little distance to pray, He came back to find His disciples sleeping, so He warned them, “Watch and pray so you do not come into temptation; the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41; Mark 14:38); that is, we may want to do the right things, but will power is often weak and easily fails, so people often fall to temptations.
Yeshua (Jesus) was worried that even His own disciples would slip-up in temptations, so if you don’t think you can resist temptations, then I suggest you avoid them, like for our discussion in romance – Don’t move in with or sleep in the same bed with your romantic partner, don't bath together, and don’t participate in intimate whole body touching or kissing, like massage.
Be apart from sin and temptation and come close to God and He will come close to you (James 4:8). What that means is, God will bless you and your relationships when you do the right things and avoid sin. Your marriage and relationships will be more blessed if you avoid fornication and other sins, but if you don’t, you’ll surely see bad coming or that “karma” we’ve talked about, so consider what you want more for your relationships – God’s blessings or His judgments (curses)?
Some people scoff at that, saying, when we’re saved in Christ there is no more judgment, but I’ve had to remind often, the grace of Christ and our eternal salvation never negated the consequences of sin in this life. If it did, we’d never see anything bad happen to Christians, but obviously that isn’t how the world works.
- Double-Check Divorce Conditions – When dating someone who is divorced, you should make certain they are truly divorced in God’s eyes. A paper state divorce means nothing spiritually if God’s laws about valid divorce are not met (see Valid Divorce for more). Otherwise you and the person who thinks is divorced will fall in adultery, which is a very serious sin that will bring worse consequences than having a relationship with someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend.
Dating someone else’s fiancé is similarly serious, so make certain they’ve broken off their engagement before you continue in the relationship.
- Have Patience and Temperance
- Do not be too quick to marry or become engaged unless you’re certain God has guided you to do so. Hasty betrothals and marriages have often backfired on couples, such as during wartime to try and secure someone before a lengthy deployment. If romance wanes and attention wavers toward others while you’re separated but spiritually bound by the covenants of betrothal or marriage, then you can bring serious harm to yourselves as I talked about here.
This can be a serious problem if the deployed person goes missing but is not absolutely confirmed dead. You are obligated to honor a marriage even if you’re not certain your spouse is dead but has been missing for years. An engagement isn’t as serious to break. Though, if your missing fiancé all of a sudden returns and finds you with someone else, then you fell in faithfulness and broke the Second Greatest Commandment.
- Honor marriage or engagement in lengthy times of absence, like military deployment or job relocations. If you do decide to marry or get engaged to someone who will be gone a lot or you will be gone a lot, then respect your relationship as I noted already. Keep yourself from getting involved with others or getting the attention of others. You’ll not only avoid breaking relationship laws I’ve talked about, but you’ll be held in higher regard by God and your beloved for your faithfulness, so make your romantic availability be as a wall and a tower instead of like an unlocked door (Song of Songs/Shir HaShirim 8:10).
- Do not seek many sex partners – Polygamy or having multiple spouses has been a sin for many millennia now. There is no excuse for it, but similarly, the same goes for having many sex partners before you are married simply because sex outside of marriage is always the sin of fornication.
There is more going on than the physical, biological acts when sexual acts are performed. Spiritual ties and corruptions are made when immoral sex is done. It is only alluded to in the Bible, such as stating that sex with a prostitute make the two people “one flesh” (1 Corinthians 6:16), but what I’ve seen happen to people in the corruptions of the spiritual world should have you take me seriously - having sex that breaks God's laws invites dark forces and curses that you do not want to deal with. If the effects of “karma” or breaking God’s laws make sense to you, then spiritual corruptions coming from sin and sexual sins should also make sense.
These corruptions which come from the sins and people you sin with, allow more curses and afflictions to come, such as addictions, chronic lust, inability to ward off the influences of dark spiritual forces, physical ailments like cancers, sexually transmitted diseases, infertility, serious complications in pregnancies and giving birth, and, yes, those generational curses for your children through serious illnesses, deformities, miscarriages, abductions, rape, and other very bad events.
Why should you trade moments of sexual pleasure over the great harm you do to yourself, your spiritual wellbeing, and that of your loved ones which can last for many, many years, if not a lifetime?
- Stay away from romantic and sexual relations with family and even extended family, like step-family. There are some family members that God considers unlawful to marry or have sexual relations with (see Unlawful Relationships for details).
- Stay away from having homosexual, lesbian, or bisexual relationships – LGTBQ+ relations can be a complicated and sensitive topic, but no matter what popular culture says, they are still unlawful by God. See Homosexuality and LGBT+ Lives and Teaching for more.
- Unhealthy Media Consumption – The media you consume may not seem like a positive or negative force in your romantic life, but the values and examples of behavior you learn and apply from them can really affect both your love life and regular life, as well as the well-being of your loved ones. And for some darker media, like porn, the spiritual corruptions they introduce can be very harmful, just like participating in other sins.
- Do not use pornography – This is an absolute must for everyone, not just married people. In spiritual terms, even if there is no physical sex in watching porn, you still participate with the prostitute in their sins when you lust and take pleasure in them. For married people, using porn has them fall in adultery because of that lust, and for other relationships, you are still being unfaithful to your lover or fiancé by lusting after others.
The porn industry is full of other sins and crimes as well, such as exploitation and abuse of women and children. So when you take pleasure in it and support it, you help support the suffering and sins that go with the industry. This material has no good place in the world.
Porn also portrays unrealistic and harmful attitudes towards sex and how to do it. It normalizes the treatment of people as objects for mere sexual satisfaction, which is a big factor and motivation for rape. Trying to imitate the bad things in porn can ruin your love life when you use unwelcome, creepy, predatory, painful, and inappropriate sexual advances and techniques. Compound that with the curses you will get for the sins of participating with and lusting after the prostitutes, as well as multiplying your lusts, and you will find that using porn will adversely affect your whole life and not just your romantic life.
For more about porn, see Pornography.
- Avoid media that normalizes lust, crudeness, lewdness, and promiscuity, like romantic soap operas and dramas, overly crude comedies, and even some family media. Overtly sexual media, like romance novels and similar-genre video productions, that give too much detail in sex scenes, about sex, and in lusting need to be avoided. They may not be as bad as pornography, but they still normalize excessive lust which can become problems and turn into promiscuity, adultery, and infidelity.
Popular media that is even labeled, “For Families,” can also normalize attractions and situations that are unacceptable, such having very promiscuous main “hero” characters and showing lusting for and having relations with inappropriate people, like married mothers, etc.
This normalization or “indoctrination” of lust and lewdness (presenting oneself in overly sexual ways) in popular media is a huge factor for rampant sexual immorality in our societies. By now you should know it is obviously accompanied by their many judgments and curses on communities and families. Excessively sexual and lewd media should be removed from a home just as like porn because they both give the same harmful impressions of what to lust for and how to conduct romantic life. Even Disney is guilty of producing and promoting this kind of media (see Is It Time To Lock Up Disney? for more).
- Birth Control and Morning After Pills – Neither birth control nor morning after pills should be a concern for unmarried people because they should not be having sex anyways, but for married couples, they may still be something to think about.
There is nothing wrong with birth control, or specifically, any means to prevent pregnancy (preventing insemination of the egg), like condoms or morning after pills. However, abortion is a sin, so any means to terminate a pregnancy is a sin. For more about these topics, see Abortion is murder, Contraceptives, and Abortion Topics.
I hope everything I talked about here will bring you and your families towards greater blessings as you take the advice to heart. If anything is unclear or if you want consultation about a situation, then please feel free to contact me. Be blessed in the name of Mashiach Yeshua (Christ Jesus) as you remove stumbling blocks from your lives. Amen.
References
[1.1] "New Report Highlights U.S. 2022 Gun-Related Deaths: Firearms Remain Leading Cause of Death for Children and Teens, and Disproportionately Affect People of Color". John Hopkins - Bloomberg School of Public Health. 2024 Sep. 12. Retrieved 2024 Dec. 11.
<https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2024/guns-remain-leading-cause-of-death-for-children-and-teens>
[1.2] Darreonna Davis. "Firearms Now No. 1 Cause Of Death For U.S. Children — While Drug Poisoning Enters Top 5". Forbes. 2023 Oct. 5. Retrieved 2024 Dec. 11.
<https://www.forbes.com/sites/darreonnadavis/2023/10/05/firearms-now-no-1-cause-of-death-for-us-children---while-drug-poisoning-enters-top-5>
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