Updated 2/11/2024
When it
comes to sex, I never see advice from experts that speak about its
spiritual effects. Of course, should I blame doctors, therapists,
counselors, or scientists for not accepting or understanding the world
in spiritual ways? Accusing them of ignorance isn't very helpful.
What
is much more helpful for everyone is to understand the other half of
the world - the part that is unseen, because spiritual effects have much
more consequence than anybody in the secular, nonbelieving world cares
to realize.
They
have applauded that abortion and teen pregnancy rates have gone down
over the last decades[1.1, 1.2]. Some attribute that to better sex
education in schools and the use of contraceptives. Others also think
the decreasing trend with sex in the younger generations also
helped[1.3, 1.4]. This seems to be an international trend, at least in wealthy, developed countries. Others say, the Internet Age and social
media addiction is another factor for less sexual activity in the
population because it isolates people physically.
However,
when I compare with what I see happening in real life, things don't add
up to the rosy pictures of improved sexual morality that many experts
paint. Unmarried teens may have a relatively low 40% rate of ever having
sex, from numbers for the first half of the last decade, at least[1.6,
1.7], but why are new reports showing the STD (Sexually Transmitted
Disease) or STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) rate is increasing year by year and young adults (15-24 year
olds) have more than half the infections and the Black community has 31%
when they only make up 12% of the U.S. population?[1.8, 1.9, 1.10,
1.11]
Obviously,
the population is having unprotected sex and stats that say about 70-80%
of young adults have had sex seem to be more correct[1.13]. As a
minister of Christ, I'm sure you're waiting for me to say abstinence
before marriage is important here. It is, but I will state exactly why
it is important instead of just say, don't have sex before marriage.
Perhaps
that is a fault of other abstinence programs. They don't convey well
what is actually happening spiritually when people commit sexual sins.
There are many critics for abstinence, and one thing scientists claim is
that promoting it before marriage has little effect, or as some claim,
is actually "ineffective and unethical"[1.5]. The last statement is an
obvious skewed exaggeration, but I would agree that promoting abstinence
often fails.
However,
it is not the policy that is a failure, but rather how it is received.
The problem is, a majority of people, even devoted believers, do not
have the self-control to resist temptation, and in BOTH secular and
believing communities, there is a common belief that there's nothing
wrong with premarital sex. I have counseled long-time Christians who did
not believe premarital sex was wrong.
I
would count these attitudes as the result of very lax and bad teaching
in families, the church, and other believing communities. Of course, if
you don't think something is wrong, you will not try to avoid it, but
what I see happening spiritually to people who remain in sin of all
kinds (not just sexual sins) is that sin ALWAYS catches up with you.
The
Bible describes God as slow to anger (Exodus/Shemot 34:6; Numbers/Bamidbar 14:18;
Nehemiah/Nechemya 9:17; Psalm/Tehillim 86:15, 103:8, 145:8; Joel/Yoel 2:13; Jonah/Yonah 4:2; Nahum/Nachum
1:3). This refers to His great patience, especially in withholding judgment for sin. When I say withholding judgment, I mean delay it, because God does not completely negate its consequences in this life, as many Christians are erroneously taught.
God
often allows wrongs to accumulate over many years before having the
judgments come for them. This effect was especially apparent to me when I
worked in hospice care. I knew all the chronic and debilitating
afflictions I saw in elderly and long-term care facilities were not simply because of
old age. Many in long-term care are not that old, and many, many people are quite well in old age, but the people I
saw in these facilities had afflictions that prevent them from ever
going back to a normal life outside of these facilities. It is
too late for most of them, because they basically have to pay for their
lifetime in sins after God's patience to withhold judgment ran out.
You
may be thinking, but not everybody winds up debilitated in a long-term
care facility. If so, you're not getting my point. You will get
afflictions from your sins whether you end up in long-term care, get
serious illness, lose property or wealth, or any number of bad things
that come from God's judgments.
No
one, not even the angels are exempt from doing wrong (2 Peter 2:4-9;
Jude 1:6-7; Job/Iyov 4:18; Isaiah/Yeshayahu 24:21). "God did not spare angels when they
sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to chains of
darkness, held for judgment" (2 Peter 2:4). It's for good reasons God is called the Judge and the
Bible states, "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Proverbs/Mishlei 1:7).
Why should we fear God? Because He will bring judgment for sin.
Many
Christians think, no, we are saved in Christ who washes away all our
sin. But those who say that aren't seeing the whole picture. The blood
of Christ atones us completely for heaven in the next life. God never
said Christ's atonement would remove all consequences of sin in this
life.
So remember
that and embrace what Job/Iyov said about fear of the Lord, "Behold, the fear
of the Lord Yahovah, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is
understanding" (Job/Iyov 28:28). Understanding fear for God will make you
keep away from doing wrong, and as far as sexual sins, like premarital
sex goes, here is something that goes with this.
An
international study found that more promiscuous people had
significantly higher risk of cancer and other debilitating, long-term
conditions later in life (57% to 91% higher)[1.12]. This directly affirms what I've seen
for years happening spiritually to people - the more sin or wrong you do, the
worse judgments you will get. In the short-term, you may have to temporarily deal with an STD/STI, but in the long-term, continuing in sins
will often result in much worse afflictions, like chronic illness, poverty, infertility, and serious problems during pregnancy and delivery, which I must make clear,
these serious afflictions can also come upon your families and loved ones.
What
some people call generational curses in the Bible (judgment upon children and
descendants for the sins that parents commit) still have very real
effect in the world. This is the biggest reason why serious afflictions,
like cancer, serious illness, abduction, and death, hit children.
Generational curses are stated in many places in the Bible, but to show
they continue to be in effect, I will note that one is stated in the Ten
Commandments, which are universal laws for all of mankind that should be
acknowledged by all as being in force.
The
generational curse goes with the first two of the Ten Commandments - To
have no other gods and to make no false gods or their images for
worship (Exodus/Shemot 20:3-6; Deuteronomy/Devarim 5:7-10). If you do so, God will
bring the judgment of the fathers (parents) on the children, even up to
four generations. And a reason He says this happens is because He is a
jealous God, and indeed one of God's names is Jealous (Exodus/Shemot 34:14).
However,
that's not the only reason for generational curses. It may not make
sense that God would punish innocent children for what parents do, but
if you understand why fear of the Lord is healthy, you can understand
that God ordained generational curses so that people would take sin and
that fear of Him seriously.
We
are supposed to consider our children and loved-ones before we run
headlong into sin. Generational curses and fear of God are supposed to
prevent sin, which if people took seriously, would greatly improve life
for everyone. There would hardly be any child in chemotherapy or anyone
confined to a wheelchair if people took God and sin seriously.
But
because these spiritual things are not easily seen or accepted, people
often think that seriously bad events are simply accidents or the luck
of the draw - nothing they have control over. How untrue. I've seen
many, many effects of the spiritual world in my years of ministry, and
so far, I've found nothing in the Bible about how the spiritual world works
to be untrue.
Christ
summed up what I'm trying to say here after He healed a man. He told
him, "Behold, you are made well. Do not sin anymore, so that nothing
worse happens to you" (John 5:14). God may be gracious and give healing, but if you continue to sin afterwards, serious affliction will come or what Christ said would be something worse.
And
as far as maintaining abstinence before marriage, I can also say it
will benefit you in the short-term as well as the long. Having sex
introduces a lot of pressures on a relationship that an unmarried couple
can be rid of. It isn't just about unwanted pregnancy, STD's, or sexual
performance issues, but about your emotional and spiritual well-being too.
There
are other bad spiritual effects that happen with sexual sins, but I
won't go into that here. Anyone who wants more counsel on this may
contact me. Your emotional well-being, though, benefits when you
understand that, even though God made us sexual beings with urges to have sex and enjoy it, He never wanted us to be defined by sexual pleasure. So view
yourself as a complete person, able to stand upright with everyone as you
are, complete in yourself, not as an object for satisfying another's
desires or some kind of sexual trophy or a prize stallion in the field.
Too
many people see having sex has a badge of honor or try to
wield it with power, using it like wealth to control and manipulate.
Romantic partners, men especially, often pressure the other to have sex,
and this can bring a great deal of stress if you are not secure in
yourself. It can make you worry over keeping a relationship intact even
if it is a bad one.
This pressure leads people to submit to sex because they think it is necessary for the relationship, but a relationship that must be maintained by sex is not a healthy one, and anyone threatening to break off a relationship because sex is not given to their standards is not worth staying with. Their controlling behavior and focus on sexual satisfaction will likely become worse, and it could turn into abuse or infidelity that will seriously damage or break up the relationship anyways, so leaving such people is often the best choice.
And keep in mind that the sin aspect of premarital sex will impact you and your loved ones as well, so reject any advice or teaching that says sex must be given in a relationship or that sex, especially so called "safe sex" will truly be safe. In spiritual terms, there is no such thing as safe sex outside of marriage. I can assure you that sex outside of God's province of marriage and appropriate relations in marriage (spousal rape and abuse are wrong) will bring more trouble than you want to deal with, so getting the immediate sexual or emotional satisfaction from sex will never be worth it in the end.
Having sex also makes you feel more intimately connected with someone, so if a relationship turns bad, having greater emotional ties will make you feel even worse and could lead you to make the wrong decisions to stay with a person. Excessive love and having sex are not much different than addiction to drugs or chemicals, as the hormones released during sex and affection, some of which, like dopamine, are the same as those enhanced by elicit drugs[1.14]. So having greater physical intimacy, and sex especially, have real biological impacts that are as hard to control as it is to be in control when you are drunk or "high." Consequently, maintaining objective and healthy thinking and decision making is just as hard to reign in when you are soaked in hormones and love that impair your reasoning.
People also often use sexual intimacy as a crutch for depression, anxiety, or life's woes, but like alcohol or drug use, using sex in this way is dangerous and susceptible to addiction and forming harmful habits for your long-term physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Don't depend on these temporary, harmful fixes to get through tough times, but instead lean on God, whose power and strength is infinite. So always pray and petition Him for help in difficulties, for He can truly have you do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:37).
Furthermore, reserving sex for after marriage will increase its pleasure
because of anticipation, and spiritually, your marriage will be more
blessed by God when you've remained faithful to what is right. It was
for good reason King David exclaimed in the Psalms, "Bless Yahovah, my
soul, and do not forget any of His benefits! Who pardons all your
guilt... Who crowns you with favor and compassion; Who satisfies your
years with good things and renews your youth like the eagle's" (Psalm
103:2-5).
Obviously,
some of the Lord's benefits are blessings of favor, good things, and
health, but do those blessings always come for everybody? Obviously, we
don't see that happening. Some statements in Psalm 103
confuse people to think that God will simply bless as long as you
acknowledge or believe in Him.
I
quoted where David said, God "who pardons all your guilt," (Psalm
103:2). A lot of Christians think this refers to Christ's atonement for
all sin, which does not need much more than acknowledgement or loyalty to
God through Christ, so if we just remain faithful Christians, God will
bless us abundantly.
Not
so fast. David is not just talking about eternal atonement in Psalm
103, or at least, God is not talking simply about that through David.
They are also referring to temporal atonement or forgiveness of sin -
God forgives like we all forgive others when they do us wrong. It
doesn't have to do with salvation in Christ, but just that He forgives a
wrong and will bring back favor and blessing.
I
say "bring back" because Psalm 103 later says, God will perform
righteousness and judgments for all the oppressed (Psalm/Tehillim 103:6). So now
we have to be oppressed to be blessed? Not always, but it is part of the picture.
Remember
I emphasized God being The Judge? He still judges all sin even if He
forgives them. There's always consequence unless He determines that no
consequence should be made, such as when David and his companions sinned
by eating sacred bread when they were starving after fleeing King Saul
(Matthew 12:3; Mark 2:25-26; Luke 6:3-4; 1 Samuel 21:1-6/Shmuel I 21:2-7).
Most
of the time, there is bad judgment for sin because it is not usually
done in dire circumstances and most sin is much more serious than eating bread that is only for priests. This is affirmed later in Psalm 103 where it
says, "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is
[God's] mercy toward those who fear Him" (Psalm/Tehillim 103:11). There we see
the notion of fear of the Lord again, which if you understand it
correctly, must include turning away from sin, so all the great
blessings from God that David was singing about are for those who
respect God and do what is right. That is the complete picture.
So
in that regard related to the topic of sex, I have also noticed that
pornography has proliferated in the Internet Age and it is very common
for people to use. But like premarital sex, the use of porn is also sin,
especially for married people, because when Christ came, He announced
that adultery was expanded to spiritual adultery - simply the thought of
adultery or lusting after anybody other than your spouse is adultery
(Matthew 5:27-28).
Using
pornography has its own negative spiritual effects, but what's more, it
fuels an immoral industry that exploits and abuses people, especially
women and children. Why would you want to participate in and help anything
like that?
Porn
also creates very bad and harmful expectations of what sex is supposed to be like,
so for those who mostly learn sex from porn, it can create harmful and
unsatisfying sex lives, for women, especially, who are made to endure
sex in ways that are not desired. And for men, it damages their love and spiritual
lives when they learn to behave in inappropriate ways and treat women as
sex objects.
These
issues not only have to do with sexual sins, but also sins in breaking
the Second Greatest Command to love each other as ourselves (Matthew
19:19, 22:39, 5:43-44; Mark 12:31-33; Luke 10:27; Romans 13:8-10;
Galatians 5:13-14; James 2:8; Leviticus/Vayikra 19:18). If you're harming or abusing
someone when having sex, even consensual sex, then you're also breaking
this commandment, and by now, you should be aware that the accumulation
of sin is definitely something you want to avoid.
To
make this point even further, I will note that much of the poverty,
afflictions, and curses you see in certain communities and families, are
the working of generational curses. God said He would bring judgment on descendants up to four generations for those who hate Him in the Ten
Commandments (Exodus/Shemot 20:5; Deuteronomy/Devarim 5:9). This hate does not only
have to do with worshiping other gods or things (greed is stated to be
idolatry or worshipping another god in the New Testament; Colossians
3:5), but this hate for God also includes the hate in disobedience to God, in living lives full of sin without care about it.
This
is why generational curses are stated outside the Ten Commandments -
"Yahovah is slow to anger and abundant in mercy, forgiving wrongdoing
and violation of His laws, but He will by no means leave the guilty
unpunished, inflicting the punishment of the parents on the children to
the third and the fourth generations" (Numbers/Bamidbar 14:18).
I've
heard a lot of people say in their afflictions and "bad luck" that they
don't know why so many bad things happen to them. They say they've done
nothing wrong or anything bad enough to deserve the horrible things in
their life. Most of them simply do not understand the things they do are
truly wrong by God, which includes believers, because I've seen much
so-called "bad luck" fall on many people of faith; they simply do not
understand sin correctly or do not accept correction when it's given.
But
on the other hand, for nonbelievers or those who are much less devoted
in faith, many of their troubles also stem from family histories of
hating God, not just rejecting God in atheist beliefs or worshipping
pagan gods and living in other spiritual systems that replace God, but
also from family histories of serious sin, which also amounts to hating God, as I said.
So
recall the Lord said, the children will get the parents judgments for up to
four generations, and be mindful and strengthened to leave behind sin.
If you truly want to do this, then do it with God through prayer and the
asking of forgiveness. He will bless those who have proper fear of Him,
just as King David said.
If
you want further counsel or spiritual help with anything,
then please feel free to contact me. The Lord's lovingkindness be on you
all in Mashiach Yeshua (Christ Jesus). Amen.
References
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