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Practical Sex Matters (Reference)
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Written by
Pastor Ty Alexander
  4/23/2023
Updated 2/11/2024


When it comes to sex, I never see advice from experts that speak about its spiritual effects. Of course, should I blame doctors, therapists, counselors, or scientists for not accepting or understanding the world in spiritual ways? Accusing them of ignorance isn't very helpful.

What is much more helpful for everyone is to understand the other half of the world - the part that is unseen, because spiritual effects have much more consequence than anybody in the secular, nonbelieving world cares to realize.

They have applauded that abortion and teen pregnancy rates have gone down over the last decades[1.1, 1.2]. Some attribute that to better sex education in schools and the use of contraceptives. Others also think the decreasing trend with sex in the younger generations also helped[1.3, 1.4]. This seems to be an international trend, at least in wealthy, developed countries. Others say, the Internet Age and social media addiction is another factor for less sexual activity in the population because it isolates people physically.

However, when I compare with what I see happening in real life, things don't add up to the rosy pictures of improved sexual morality that many experts paint. Unmarried teens may have a relatively low 40% rate of ever having sex, from numbers for the first half of the last decade, at least[1.6, 1.7], but why are new reports showing the STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) rate is increasing year by year and young adults (15-24 year olds) have more than half the infections and the Black community has 31% when they only make up 12% of the U.S. population?[1.8, 1.9, 1.10, 1.11]

Obviously, the population is having unprotected sex and stats that say about 70-80% of young adults have had sex seem to be more correct[1.13]. As a minister of Christ, I'm sure you're waiting for me to say abstinence before marriage is important here. It is, but I will state exactly why it is important instead of just say, don't have sex before marriage.

Perhaps that is a fault of other abstinence programs. They don't convey well what is actually happening spiritually when people commit sexual sins. There are many critics for abstinence, and one thing scientists claim is that promoting it before marriage has little effect, or as some claim, is actually "ineffective and unethical"[1.5]. The last statement is an obvious skewed exaggeration, but I would agree that promoting abstinence often fails.

However, it is not the policy that is a failure, but rather how it is received. The problem is, a majority of people, even devoted believers, do not have the self-control to resist temptation, and in BOTH secular and believing communities, there is a common belief that there's nothing wrong with premarital sex. I have counseled long-time Christians who did not believe premarital sex was wrong.

I would count these attitudes as the result of very lax and bad teaching in families, the church, and other believing communities. Of course, if you don't think something is wrong, you will not try to avoid it, but what I see happening spiritually to people who remain in sin of all kinds (not just sexual sins) is that sin ALWAYS catches up with you.

The Bible describes God as slow to anger (Exodus 34:6; Numbers 14:18; Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 86:15, 103:8, 145:8; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2; Nahum 1:3). This refers to His great patience, especially in withholding judgment for sin. When I say withholding judgment, I mean delay it, because God does not completely negate its consequences in this life, as many Christians are erroneously taught.

God often allows wrongs to accumulate over many years before having the judgments come for them. This effect was especially apparent to me when I worked in hospice care. I knew all the chronic and debilitating afflictions I saw in elderly and long-term care facilities were not simply because of old age. Many in long-term care are not that old, and many, many people are quite well in old age, but the people I saw in these facilities had afflictions that prevent them from ever going back to a normal life outside of these facilities. It is too late for most of them, because they basically have to pay for their lifetime in sin after God's patience to withhold judgment ran out.

You may be thinking, but not everybody winds up debilitated in a long-term care facility. If so, you're not getting my point. You will get afflictions from your sins whether you end up in long-term care, get serious illness, lose property or wealth, or any number of bad things that come from God's judgments.

No one, not even the angels are exempt from doing wrong (2 Peter 2:4-9; Jude 1:6-7; Job 4:18; Isaiah 24:21). "God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to chains of darkness, held for judgment" (2 Peter 2:4). God is called the Judge and the Bible states, "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" for very good reasons (Proverbs 1:7).

Why should we fear God? Because He will bring judgment for sin.

Many Christians think, no, we are saved in Christ who washes away all our sin. But those who say that aren't seeing the whole picture. The blood of Christ atones us completely for heaven in the next life. God never said Christ's atonement would remove all consequences of sin in this life.

So remember that and embrace what Job said about fear of the Lord, "Behold, the fear of the Lord Yahovah, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding" (Job 28:28). Understanding fear for God will make you keep away from doing wrong, and as far as sexual sins, like premarital sex goes, here is something that goes with this.

An international study found that more promiscuous people had significantly higher risk (57% to 91% higher) of cancer and other debilitating, long-term conditions later in life[1.12]. This directly affirms what I've seen happening spiritually to people - the more sin or wrong you do, the worse judgments you will get. In the short-term, you may have to temporarily deal with an STD, but in the long-term, continuing in sins will often result in much worse afflictions, like chronic illness, poverty, infertility, and serious problems during pregnancy and delivery, which I must make clear, can also come upon your families and loved ones.

What some people call generational curses in the Bible (judgment upon children and descendants for the sins that parents commit) still have very real effect in the world. This is the biggest reason why serious afflictions, like cancer, serious illness, abduction, and death, hit children. Generational curses are stated in many places in the Bible, but to show they continue to be in effect, I will note that one is stated in the Ten Commandments, which are universal laws for all of mankind that should be acknowledged by all as being in force.

The generational curse goes with the first two of the Ten Commandments - To have no other gods and to make no false gods or their images for worship (Exodus 20:3-6; Deuteronomy 5:7-10). If you do so, God will bring the judgment of the fathers (parents) on the children, even up to four generations. And a reason He says this happens is because He is a jealous God, and indeed one of God's names is Jealous (Exodus 34:14).

However, that's not the only reason for generational curses. It may not make sense that God would punish innocent children for what parents do, but if you understand why fear of the Lord is healthy, you can understand that God ordained generational curses so that people would take sin and that fear of Him seriously.

We are supposed to consider our children and loved-ones before we run headlong into sin. Generational curses and fear of God are supposed to prevent sin, which if people took seriously, would greatly improve life for everyone. There would hardly be any child in chemotherapy or anyone confined to a wheelchair if people took God and sin seriously.

But because these spiritual things are not easily seen or accepted, people often think that seriously bad events are simply accidents or the luck of the draw - nothing they have control over. How untrue. I've seen many, many effects of the spiritual world in my years of ministry, and so far, I've found nothing in the Bible about how the spiritual world works to be untrue.

Christ summed up what I'm trying to say here after He healed a man. He told him, "Behold, you are made well. Do not sin anymore, so that nothing worse happens to you" (John 5:14).

And as far as maintaining abstinence before marriage, I can also say it will benefit you in the short-term as well as the long. Having sex introduces a lot of pressures on a relationship that an unmarried couple can be rid of. It isn't just about unwanted pregnancy, STD's, or sexual performance issues, but about your emotional and spiritual well-being too.

There are other bad spiritual effects that happen with sexual sins, but I won't go into that here. Anyone who wants more counsel on this may contact me. Your emotional well-being, though, benefits when you understand that, even though God made us sexual beings able to enjoy sex, He never wanted us to be defined by sexual pleasure. So view yourself as a complete person, able to stand upright with God as you are, complete in yourself, not as an object for satisfying another's desires or some kind of sexual trophy or a prize stallion in the field.

Too many people see having sex has a badge of honor or try to wield it with power, using it like wealth to control and manipulate. Romantic partners, men especially, often pressure the other to have sex, and this can bring a great deal of stress if you are not secure in yourself. It can make you worry over keeping a relationship intact even if it is a bad one.

This pressure leads people to submit to sex because they think it is necessary for the relationship, but a relationship that must be maintained by sex is not a healthy one, and anyone threatening to break off a relationship because sex is not given to their standards is not worth staying with. Their controlling behavior and focus on sexual satisfaction will likely become worse, and it could turn into abuse or infidelity that will seriously damage or break up the relationship anyways, so leaving such people is often the best choice.

Having sex also makes you feel more intimately connected with someone, so if a relationship turns bad, having greater emotional ties will make you feel even worse and could lead you to make the wrong decisions to stay with a person. Excessive love and having sex are not much different than addiction to drugs or chemicals, as the hormones released during sex and affection, some of which, like dopamine, are the same as those enhanced by elicit drugs[1.14]. So having greater physical intimacy, and sex especially, have real biological impacts that are as hard to control as it is to be in control when you are drunk or "high." Consequently, maintaining objective and healthy thinking and decision making is just as hard to reign in when you are soaked in hormones and love that impair your reasoning.

People also often use sexual intimacy as a crutch for depression, anxiety, or life's woes, but like alcohol or drug use, using sex in this way is dangerous and susceptible to addiction and forming harmful habits for your long-term physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Don't depend on these temporary, harmful fixes to get through tough times, but instead lean on God, whose power and strength is infinite. So always pray and petition Him for help in difficulties, for He can truly have you
do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:37).

Furthermore, reserving sex for after marriage will increase its pleasure because of anticipation, and spiritually, your marriage will be more blessed by God when you've remained faithful to what is right. It was for good reason King David exclaimed in the Psalms, "Bless Yahovah, my soul, and do not forget any of His benefits! Who pardons all your guilt... Who crowns you with favor and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things and renews your youth like the eagle's" (Psalm 103:2-5).

Obviously, some of the Lord's benefits are blessings of favor, good things, and health, but do those blessings always come for everybody? Obviously, we don't see that happening. Some statements in Psalm 103 confuse people to think that God will simply bless as long as you acknowledge or believe in Him.

I quoted where David said, God "who pardons all your guilt," (Psalm 103:2). A lot of Christians think this refers to Christ's atonement for all sin, which does not need much more than acknowledgement or loyalty to God through Christ, so if we just remain faithful Christians, God will bless us abundantly.

Not so fast. David is not just talking about eternal atonement in Psalm 103, or at least, God is not talking simply about that through David. They are also referring to temporal atonement or forgiveness of sin - God forgives like we all forgive others when they do us wrong. It doesn't have to do with salvation in Christ, but just that He forgives a wrong and will bring back favor and blessing.

I say "bring back" because Psalm 103 later says, God will perform righteousness and judgments for all the oppressed (Psalm 103:6). So now we have to be oppressed to be blessed? That's only part of the picture.

Remember I emphasized God being The Judge? He still judges all sin even if He forgives them. There's always consequence unless He determines that no consequence should be made, such as when David and his companions sinned by eating sacred bread when they were starving after fleeing King Saul (Matthew 12:3; Mark 2:25-26; Luke 6:3-4; 1 Samuel 21:1-6).

Most of the time, there is bad judgment for sin because it is not usually done in dire circumstances and most sin is much more serious than eating bread that is only for priests. This is affirmed later in Psalm 103 where it says, "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is [God's] mercy toward those who fear Him" (Psalm 103:11). There we see the notion of fear of the Lord again, which if you understand it correctly, must include turning away from sin, so all the great blessings from God that David was singing about are for those who respect God and do what is right. That is the complete picture.

So in that regard related to the topic of sex, I have also noted that pornography has proliferated in the Internet Age and it is very common for people to use. But like premarital sex, the use of porn is also sin, especially for married people, because when Christ came, He announced that adultery was expanded to spiritual adultery - simply the thought of adultery or lusting after anybody other than your spouse is adultery (Matthew 5:27-28).

Using pornography has its own negative spiritual effects, but what's more, it fuels an immoral industry that exploits and abuses people, especially women and children. Why would you want to participate in and help anything like that?

Porn also creates very bad and harmful expectations of what sex is supposed to be like, so for those who mostly learn sex from porn, it can create harmful and unsatisfying sex lives, for women, especially, who are made to endure sex in ways that are not desired. And for men, it damages their love and spiritual lives when they learn to behave in inappropriate ways and treat women as sex objects.

These issues not only have to do with sexual sins, but also sins in breaking the Second Greatest Command to love each other as ourselves (Matthew 19:19, 22:39, 5:43-44; Mark 12:31-33; Luke 10:27; Romans 13:8-10; Galatians 5:13-14; James 2:8; Leviticus 19:18). If you're harming someone when having sex, even consensual sex, then you're also breaking this commandment, and by now, you should be aware that the accumulation of sin is definitely something you want to avoid.

To make this point even further, I will note that much of the poverty, afflictions, and curses you see in certain communities and families, are the working of generational curses. God said He would bring judgment on descendants up to four generations for those who hate Him in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:5; Deuteronomy 5:9). This hate does not only have to do with worshiping other gods or things (greed is stated to be idolatry or worshipping another god in the New Testament; Colossians 3:5), but also includes the hate in disobedience to God.

This is why generational curses are stated outside the Ten Commandments - "Yahovah is slow to anger and abundant in mercy, forgiving wrongdoing and violation of His laws, but He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, inflicting the punishment of the parents on the children to the third and the fourth generations" (Numbers 14:18).

I've heard a lot of people say in their afflictions and "bad luck" that they don't know why so many bad things happen to them. They say they've done nothing wrong or anything bad enough to deserve the horrible things in their life. Most of them simply do not understand the things they do are truly wrong by God, which includes believers, because I've seen much so-called "bad luck" fall on many people of faith; they simply do not understand sin correctly or do not accept correction when it's given.

But on the other hand, for nonbelievers or those who are much less devoted in faith, many of their troubles also stem from family histories of hating God, not just rejecting God in atheist beliefs or worshipping pagan gods and living in other spiritual systems that replace God, but also from family histories of serious sin, which also amounts to hating God.

So recall the Lord said, the children will get the parents judgments for up to four generations, and be mindful and strengthened to leave behind sin. If you truly want to do this, then do it with God through prayer and the asking of forgiveness. He will bless those who have proper fear of Him, just as King David said.

If you want further counsel or spiritual help with anything, then please feel free to contact me. The Lord's lovingkindness be on you all in Mashiach Yeshua (Christ Jesus). Amen.


References
[1.1] "Trends in Teen Pregnancy and Childbearing". OASH (Office of Population Affairs). Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://opa.hhs.gov/adolescent-health/reproductive-health-and-teen-pregnancy/trends-teen-pregnancy-and-childbearing>

[1.2] "Reproductive Health: Teen Pregnancy - About Teen Pregnancy". CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/about/index.htm>

[1.3] Kate Julian. "Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex?". The Atlantic. 2018 Dec. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949>

[1.4] Emily Willingham. "People Have Been Having Less Sex—whether They’re Teenagers or 40-Somethings". Scientific American. 2022 Jan. 3. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings>

[1.5] Sarah McCammon. "Abstinence education ineffective and unethical, report argues". NPR (National Public Radio). 2017 Aug. 24. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.mprnews.org/story/2017/08/24/npr-abstinence-education-ineffective-unethical-report>

[1.6] "Over Half of U.S. Teens Have Had Sexual Intercourse by Age 18, New Report Shows". CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). 2017 Jun. 22. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/nchs_press_releases/2017/201706_NSFG.htm>

[1.7] Joyce C. Abma and Gladys M. Martinez. "Sexual Activity and Contraceptive Use Among Teenagers in the United States, 2011–2015". CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). 2017 Jun. 22. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr104.pdf>

[1.8] Allie Yang. "STDs are at a shocking high. How do we reverse the trend?". National Geographic Magazine. 2023 Apr. 21. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/stds-are-at-a-shocking-high-how-do-we-reverse-the-trend?...>

[1.9] Mark Zdechlik. "Minnesota teen sexually transmitted infection rate hits record". MPR (Minnesota Public Radio) News. 2019 Jun. 18. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.mprnews.org/story/2019/06/18/minnesota-teen-sexually-transmitted-infection-rate-hits-record>

[1.10] "Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance 2021". CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/2021/default.htm>

[1.11] "Table 1. Sexually Transmitted Diseases — Reported Cases and Rates of Reported Cases*, United States, 1941–2021".  CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/2021/tables/1.htm>

[1.12] Jemma Crew. "Having more than 10 sexual partners 'boosts cancer risk'". Independent.ie. 2020 Feb. 14. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.
<https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/health/having-more-than-10-sexual-partners-boosts-cancer-risk-38955939.html>

[1.13] "Youth Statistics: Sexual Health". ACT for Youth Center for Community Action. 2022 Oct. 24. Retrieved 2023 Apr. 23.

[1.14] Daryl Austin. "What happens to your body when you’re in love—and when you’re heartbroken". National Geographic. 2024 Feb. 9. Retrieved 2024 Feb. 11.
<https://www.nationalgeographic.com/premium/article/love-loss-death-hormones-brain-heart-health>

Stats support actual cause of high maternal mortality 7/11/2023
Recent news articles are pointing out that maternal mortality has increased a lot in the last decades, and again say the situation is worse among certain minority groups[2.1, 2.2]. But furthermore, the United States leads the mortality rate among wealthy nations by a significant amount (more than three times the rate of most other countries)[2.2, 2.3]. Most scientists and health care professionals struggle to understand why this happening. They look at healthcare, abortion, and contraceptive access, sex education and economic factors, but as many of their studies suggest, they cannot pinpoint any of these things as assured causal factors.

However, because I understand the actual causes for this, I quickly found evidence to support what I had talked about in the primary post here (at top). Scientists and doctors cannot understand why mortality for mothers is increasing because they only look at scientific and worldly factors. They must go beyond that to understand the actual root causes of these problems, which all begin with spiritual reasons. If you read the primary post, you already know I gave much good reason and evidence that a person's life in spiritual wrongs are the real reasons why bad things will come to people living in sexual sins and any other immorality.

The evidence I found today backs this up further. When I was working on this update, I felt I needed to look at pregnancy outside of marriage, which obviously goes with the sin of fornication or sex before marriage. What I found were stats for births to unmarried women for the last few decades (below) clearly showed a correlation to the dramatic increase in maternal mortality, which was noted to have doubled in the last 20 years in the United States[2.1].


Where does the rate start showing a steady increase in births to unwed mothers? About 20 years ago, around the year 2000, and in the last decade or so, the rate has held constant at a little over 40% of births being from unwed mothers. This is a large chunk of births and obviously goes with sex outside of marriage, so if you did not read the primary post about the cause and effect of spiritual issues, then please do so. Your welfare and the welfare of your loved ones is at stake. And to make this point even further, I found more stats today showing that pregnancy is a top factor for disability and fatality in teenage girls worldwide[2.4].

The point in the first post about the value of abstinence before marriage is made very apparent in all these stats. However, unwed births have been increasing around the world[2.5]. Why is the United States showing worse consequences than other nations? The high rate of abortions in this country is one factor, but another I would have to include is that God holds believers more accountable than others. They get worse punishments because they should know better (Hebrews 10:26-31; James 3:1; Luke 12:47-48), and America has been a large-majority Christian nation; around 90% a few decades ago and, today, believers are still in the majority at about 63%[2.7], so because the United States is a nation that holds much faith and should know what is right and wrong in God's eyes, has been living in sin more and more. The logic is pretty simple.

Factors like good healthcare, poverty, and abortion and contraceptive access are not the reasons for much increase in maternal mortality (or other serious problems in families and communities, for that matter). It is the increase in sin, which is shown by the increase in pregnancies outside of marriage, as well as the high level of pregnancies in minority communities. And when morality among believers of things that are supposed to be well understood is wrong, like sex before marriage, lapses in other sins generally accompany it, because people can't or won't connect the bad things that are happening to them to the wrongs they do. But furthermore, because the United States is mostly of God-believing people, this nation is coming under worse judgment, just as the Bible states, "The Lord will judge His people" (Hebrews 10:30; Deuteronomy 32:36).

It's time to stop listening to scientists, doctors, and the liberals who refuse to acknowledge the truth of what is happening before their eyes. Their advice of, "Go ahead and have sex anytime, just make it consensual and use contraceptives," has proven to make society come to more and worse pains than ever before. The world will be much better off to come back to honoring what God expects of righteous people.


References
[2.1] Itzel Luna. "Why is maternal mortality so high in the US? For Black and Native Americans rates are rising". USA Today. 2023 Jul. 6. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://news.yahoo.com/why-maternal-mortality-high-us-183533079.html>

[2.2] "The U.S. Maternal Mortality Crisis Continues to Worsen: An International Comparison". The Commonwealth Fund. 2022 Dec. 1. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://www.commonwealthfund.org/blog/2022/us-maternal-mortality-crisis-continues-worsen-international-comparison>

[2.3] "Maternal Mortality and Maternity Care in the United States Compared to 10 Other Developed Countries". The Commonwealth Fund. 2022 Nov. 18. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/issue-briefs/2020/nov/maternal-mortality-maternity-care-us-compared-10-countries>

[2.4] "Percentage of births to unmarried women in the United States from 1980 to 2021". statista. 2023 Mar. 23. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://www.statista.com/statistics/276025/us-percentage-of-births-to-unmarried-women>

[2.4] "Early childbearing can have severe consequences for adolescent girls". UNICEF. 2022 Dec. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://data.unicef.org/topic/child-health/adolescent-health>

[2.5] "SF2.4: Share of births outside of marriage". OECD (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development). 2022 Dec. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://www.oecd.org/els/family/SF_2_4_Share_births_outside_marriage.pdf>

[2.6] "Prevalence of teenage pregnancy". Wikipedia. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_teenage_pregnancy>

[2.7] "How U.S. religious composition has changed in recent decades". Pew Research Center. 2022 Sep. 13. Retrieved 2023 Jul. 11.
<https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2022/09/13/how-u-s-religious-composition-has-changed-in-recent-decades>




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